No Puzzling In Progress

On By Stacey at myjigsawjournalIn Jigsaw Puzzling

I’d show you a picture of an empty board today, but to be honest the puzzle that was in progress three days ago is still sitting there. It is complete, but it’s still on the board and I haven’t started anything else. 😐

To be completely honest, I’m in the middle of a major depressive funk that has me doing almost nothing all day long. Usually I don’t discuss things like this, but I think part of the problem with mental health issues is that we don’t discuss them – and I’ve seriously had enough of pretending to be happy and positive all the time.

Many of us around the world have depression, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having it or admitting we have it. By talking about it, we find out that although it may seem as though we’re alone – we are not. And also that having depression or anxiety isn’t a failing, it doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t mean you’re a “mental case”; it just means that you’re human and you may have a chemical imbalance. Just because you put the word “mental” in front of “illness” doesn’t mean you’re crazy.

I’m not crazy. I may love jigsaw puzzles to an almost unhealthy degree, but I am not crazy. I’m depressed. I have serious anxiety problems – still not crazy.

A couple of years ago I developed an “electrical problem” in my heart. It caused a serious rapid heartbeat called tachycardia that had me hospitalized twice and in jeopardy of having a heart attack or a stroke. Since then I’ve had to take medication to keep the electrical system in my heart working properly; the only problem is that it cannot be taken with antidepressants. I’d been on antidepressants for many years, but in the choice between being less depressed and having a heartbeat – you can imagine which one I chose.

So, with the changes in pain medications that cause me serious problems and more pain, the world in the midst of a pandemic costing many lives, and a host of other small things – I’m having an extremely tough time right now. And if we don’t talk about things like being anxious or depressed – or both – things aren’t ever going to change or get better.

So instead of telling you what’s in progress today and pretending that all is well; I’m telling you that all is not well, nothing is in progress, and I am just doing the best I can.

29 thoughts on “No Puzzling In Progress”

  1. Deb

    Oh Stacy that was a heartbreaking post. I have no words for you other than all your fans support you and hope things get better. I understand it’s not your only issue but I think the sooner this country gets out of this pandemic funk the better we’ll all feel. There HAS to be light at the end of this never-ending tunnel.
    Wishing you the best. Your puzzle family is here for you! ♡♡♡

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  2. rleedee

    Hi Stacey. That is a lot to be dealing with. Thanks for sharing what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. I hope that puzzles will bring you joy again very soon. In the meantime, you are not alone. Ronda

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  3. Penny Weiss

    What a beautiful, heartfelt, and honest post Stacey. Thank you for sharing what I know is not an easy thing to do — your vulnerability and your pain. I commend you for having the guts to talk about an area of your life that is so clearly painful for you, both physically and emotionally.

    I believe we have talked a little about this before, but mental health issues are something that hits home with me a lot. My sister has severe mental illness — she is scizophrenic and bi-polar. She gets depressed a lot. But now even worse is that within the last year she has lost almost all touch with reality. She is in a whole other ballpark from you in illnesses and severity, but my point is, I can understand and empathize with what you must have to endure on an almost daily basis.

    We, your devoted readers, love you and your blog. Please know you are not alone in this world and there are many people out there both physically and virtually who care…and are a text or a phone call away if needed.

    Feel better soon.

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  4. Eric

    Hi Stacey, I have a similar heart condition where my heart rate would increase to 180 for 5 minutes and then drop back to normal. Cardiologist ruled out A Fib and prescribed metoprolol which helps tremendously. I also find there’s a correlation between eating sweets and the rapid heart rate. This chaotic pandemic is affecting a lot of people negatively by curtailing so many of your normal activities. We’ve been getting out of the house more; riding bikes, hiking, etc. while practicing healthy habits. I’m also reading more, currently I’m reading A Gentleman in Moscow, highly recommended. I enjoy reading your blogs and perhaps try different activites. Looking forward to tomorrow’s blog.

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    1. Thanks Eric for your kind thoughts and suggestions. I don’t have aFib either, and my meds have kept my heart rate where it should be. I have almost no appetite for sweets at all, so that’s not a problem; but due to my injury moving around is extremely difficult and exercise isn’t possible.

      I’m just plugging along doing my best, hope to be putting more pieces together very soon. Thanks for being a reader, and your gracious comments. 💙

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  5. I am so sorry to read this. It’s difficult admitting the full array of physical and emotional troubles and the way they seem to reinforce each other. These are parlous times for many reasons and

    Sometimes when I am distraught I will give myself a very simple assignment such as: just put two pieces of a puzzle together or just play one solitaire game. Or fill in a word on a crossword puzzle. I get daily poetry delivered to my inbox and try to read it. Sometimes I am successful but not always.

    Sometimes if I am lucky these moments catch fire and I am intrigued enough to go beyond myself for a bit of time.

    I will be thinking of you and wish you the very best.

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  6. Janet L

    Hi Stacey, thank you for sharing and for your honesty. I sincerely hope you will feel well again very soon. In the midst of this mess, I think we “human beans” are especially susceptible to feelings of anxiety, depression, isolation. For me, any time spent outdoors, walking, enjoying nature, or even sitting on the deck, helps boost my spirits. Enjoy the sunshine if you can. Family, friends and your puzzle posse are here to support you.

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    1. Thank you Janet. If we all share what we’re feeling and the struggles we’re having, I think we’d all be a more caring, thoughtful society as a whole. Just my opinion of course.

      I do try to get outside with my Buddy every day, and try to sit with him for at least a few minutes while he’s outside. I can’t say that it helps me much, but I try.

      Thanks for being a member of the posse, and for supporting me. 💛

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  7. Sandra

    Wishing gentle days for you soon!

    My husband has an electrical problem that has the opposite effect, his heart skips some beats. His pulse can go down to 40 bpm that makes him light headed. So far, the doctors are not going to intervene, but it scares me that it could get worse.

    I have felt like a commercial where the depressed person walks around wearing a happy face mask. Of course, when people ask “how are you,” they really don’t want to know anything negative. I appreciate that you have been able to share how you are really doing these days! You are not alone!

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    1. Thank you Sandra.

      I’m sorry to hear about your husband, I hope his doctors are keeping a close eye on him and that he remains healthy.

      I’ve felt like that commercial too, and to a degree I feel that way when writing posts. The need to seem upbeat for others is real for me, and today I just wasn’t up to it.

      Thanks again for your thoughtful comments, I really do appreciate them. 💜

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  8. Amy

    Hi Stacey, I really like that you have shared such a candid and heartfelt post today. I usually chime in with the self compassion chorus right about now, because sometimes it is the only thing we can do. You are loved and in terrific company.

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  9. Alice

    Stacey, I only found your blog a few days ago, and it brought me a morning of pleasure to read through your old posts. I’m sorry you’re going through what you’re going through. I wouldn’t agree, though, that you’ve had nothing in progress for a few days: Writing this honest blog post counts as an achievement! Take care.

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  10. robinheat

    I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to choose between antidepressants and heart medication.

    I’ve been through the wringer with mental health and depression, so I know there’s nothing I can do to solve it for you – but I do want you to know you’re not alone in having a struggle right now.

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  11. Betsy

    Sending good vibes your way. Depression had had a major impact in my life and the life of family members. Antidepressants have probably saved my life. I know there’s no talking yourself out of it, so try to be easy on yourself and here’s to hoping that you come to the other side sooner rather than later.

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  12. I’m so sorry to hear you’re not feeling well. I’ve been spared myself, but I have plenty of friends and close relatives who struggle with various mental health issues. There is absolutely no need to pretend everything is fine, unless it makes you feel better, of course. I’m sure it will help someone that you talk openly about mental health.

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  13. Tayo

    Oh this post was so touching.
    I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time.
    I love to read your blog daily, it brightens my day.
    You make me love Jigsaw puzzles more and more.
    So much is happening around us and sometimes its quite overwhelming , so many lives have been lost.
    Hoping you have better days ahead.Hoping you can see the beauty around you and smile. I’m sure your mum would love to know you are being strong through all this.
    Warm hugs and love Stacey.

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